Travel By Bus

The Bus in Bulgaria is a truly serene form of transport.

Rural state owned buses are just that - basic chugeurnauts. But the privately owned buses (which are really coaches and operate throughout the Bulgaria Coast) ooze character. They somehow conjure up memories from childhood, the excitement of early journeys and, perhaps somewhat ridiculously, first encounters of the Thomas The Tank Engine kind.

Sure the AC may not work - and, just occasionally the roof may leak - but you travel up high and enjoy great views. It's fun, it's relatively comfortable, it's sociable (and socially responsible and great news for your carbon imprint; Ed), it's really cheap - and compared to travelling by car, it's really pretty safe.

I should explain now that there are certain cultural nuances that divide Britain from the rest of the world but as your very precious holiday time is so short I'll restrict it to this one, particularly pertinent area - namely, your life.

We Brits drive on the left. Most of the rest of the world, somewhat to our irritation, drives on the right. But Bulgarians are different. They spawned Spartacus after all. They have a unique history and they've fiought hard for their independence. Perhaps that's why we get on so well together.

But this great freedom of spirit can result in one rather curious trait.

Bulgarian males generally drive their cars not on the left - and not on the right. They drive their vehicles, frequently at spine shattering speed , with the very greatest determination - in the very centre of the road!

Now this works OK when there's no one else sharing that road. But sadly that doesn't always happen. There's the odd horse, for example, driven by a 12 year old practising for the Bulgarian Grand National, with no horn or wing mirrors and certainly no hand signals but nevertheless - there he is - immediately in front of you and crossing your route. Then there's the frequent mule cart suddenly turning left two yards from your nearside wing (I don't believe they need a driving license - the mule or the driver, Ed).

But if you are really unlucky you could be in the car of a Bulgarian Estate Agent. They're cooler than anyone else - because they're faster than anyone else.

And if you are really, really unlucky you could be faced by a car driven by another Estate Agent. This can, conceivably, cause a problem (or "Big Valhalla" as we used to say in Africa - Ed)

Now you have two options (assuming you didn't die at this point).

1) Treble your intake of Lisinopril (but go careful with that web bought Viagra)

or

2) Promise yourself to always travel by Bus.

We'd always recommend the latter.